Roosh V & a rather topical blog post

blog2So I wanted my second blog to be a bit more on how it all started for me but this one is going to be a little more topical. I don’t have a conventional job and so I do get to watch some daytime TV. Some, a lot, too much…probably too much but hey ho. Anyway, there was mention on one show of a guy who calls himself “Roosh V” and a call for him to be banned from arranging public meet ups in the UK because he’s pretty much a knob.  I don’t know much about the guy other than that he’s a “pick up artist” and gives men advice on how to “bang” woman. The idea of “pick up artists” always makes me “lol” because the only ones I’ve ever seen tend to go on the basis of women in bars being as vain as peacocks and that if you don’t give us the attention we expect to get then we will inevitably end up sleeping with you, regardless of what you look like, to, I dunno, “prove ourselves” or something.

I will admit that when I tweeted the link to the petition to stop him organising, or at least advertising, public meet ups in the UK, all I knew of him is what I’d briefly heard about him on TV. That was that he didn’t think women had a leg to stand on if being sexually assaulted in a private property. I still haven’t done any proper research on the guy because if I do Google him I know he’ll just annoy me and I already spend too much time being annoyed. Everything I know of him I’ve got from second hand sources and he could be the nicest guy in the world – he might always remember to get his mum flowers on Mother’s Day and he might adopt dogs from rescue shelters and be nice to the homeless – but on the internet, he sounds like a dick.  Basically, the guy “said rape should be legalised “if done on private property” (Sky News article) and, just taking a stab in the dark here, I’m guessing this guy has probably never been raped.

It struck a chord with me because when I was 17 I was sexually assaulted by two men in a car (barely past introductions and I’m already telling you my life story). In this case I’m assuming a car comes under Mr V’s heading of “private property”. Had I got into the car willingly? Yes. Had I willingly got into a situation where I knew I would probably end up having sex? Yes. Had I known there were going to be two of them? No. I never reported it because I thought nobody would ever believe me. I’d gone willingly, to a point, and I’d gone wearing stockings. And no I don’t ever subscribe to that vile way of thinking that a woman is “asking for it” because of what she wears, but in this scenario I had been dressed for sex. I didn’t think anyone would ever believe that I hadn’t wanted to be involved in what went on.

Do I think it affected how I saw myself and every sexual relationship I ever had after? Yes. Do I think it was the catalyst that made me view sex as something flippant and that I could inevitably make money from? Yes. Did it have a catastrophic effect on my mental health and mean I viewed myself as only good for one thing? You got it. One of the guys did eventually go to prison for something completely unrelated so a part of me still felt that I got some retribution. That was cut short pretty quickly when I ran into him a few years later and he told me how he’d enjoyed magazines I’d appeared in during his time in there. This was followed by a message a few years later as my “career” progressed to tell me that he’d “taught me everything you know”. I won’t waste my time wishing ill on people.

Obviously Roosh V is pretty good with marketing and knew that claims like that would get attention. The thing is, I understand where he was coming from in the sense that of course there is always a grey area in attacks that do occur in hotels or in houses and the like. Women are not idiots – we’re allowed to vote now and everything – and yes we do realise when we are in a certain situation that is leading towards sex. Everyone in the world knows what “Netflix and chill” really means. But we do live in an over sexualised society where being called a “cocktease” is an insult second only to being referred to as a “feminist“. I have been in situations where it’s been easier to say yes than to say no but if a woman does say no, or is crying or asks you to stop or is physically trying to fight you off during the act, then whether you’re in a hotel or in your own private bloody property, heat of the moment or whatever your excuse is, what you’re doing is wrong and is going to have serious repercussions for that girl forever.

I’m sure Roosh V will cite cases of women “crying rape” and yes, there are sickos out there who have done that and some who’ve been jailed for it and rightfully bloody so. I can’t remember what the actual statistic is but the majority of rape cases don’t go to court and I’d imagine most of them are from lack of evidence. I’d take a guess that a percentage of those reported did happen at “private properties” and so ultimately its always one person’s word against another. I don’t really want to get too dragged into the rape debate or the influence of alcohol debate but I feel that the comments that Roosh V has made and the influence that that has on people who read it just puts undue pressure on women to feel like they have to go through with things because they came this far, or for some men to think that once they’ve got her home, she’s fair game no matter what she says or if she changes her mind.

That all got pretty serious pretty fast and I know you were probably expecting another post about wankers in women’s underwear but I just felt like I needed to write this down. I hope my opinions haven’t offended anyone because that wasn’t my intention. Like I said, there are so many grey areas. Inevitably Roosh V has just gained himself more attention and has probably had a ton of views on his webpage now from all this palaver and will probably even make some money off the back of it. I will also probably receive some level of backlash – “stick to sucking dick you fat slag” – and other imaginative insults, such as the one in the e-mail screenshot that accompanies this blog post. Sometimes the internet makes me feel really sad.

16 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your views and insight Jaye. Your intelligence and wit shines through in all your writing. I wish you well and hope you continue to inform and entertain with all your musing.

  2. I wasn’t expecting this so soon, zero to sixty in no time at all. Mind
    you it isn’t a complaint, just an observation.
    I believe I have heard about this fella through a BBC episode done by
    Reggie (good ol’ Reggie) focusing on Men in the here and now, with this
    episode focusing on anger men and “anti-feminism” etc. It was quite
    interesting….well I thought so.

    Before I get carried away with a thought. Thanks for sharing all that.
    It isn’t easy for people (male or female) to share things like this
    openly – nothing more open than the Internet. It is very hard to deal
    with, even when you aren’t the one who went through it yourself (I have
    dated girls who later revealed to have been abused and/or assaulted).
    So, again thanks for sharing that – hopefully not sounding too cheesy there.

    Being an “angry man” is a big tent pole, that houses a whole lot of
    things; guys like this V dude, to…well guys like me. All for different
    reasons. Men are graded on a harsh curve, just like women are but the
    scoring is on different things and it then leaves to different
    expectations. Expectations by your peers and by yourself. This, I have
    found, gives rise to a whole lot of “fucked up shit.” Things like ‘V’
    where guys think they have this unspoken ‘right’ to a woman regardless –
    more akin to the mind set of the villains in Mad Max Fury Road than an
    actually balanced human being. Then there is other areas, ones that
    effect & affect relationships and how “healthy” they are (or aren’t).

    Of course I can only speak for myself and I don’t intend to speak on the
    behalf of a whole group of people, that is what all the people on TV are
    employed to do – idiots. For me I wish I had turned out a little
    different, I guess we all do on some level. I just wish I could be more
    “open” with those around me (mother, girlfriend & friends), but that’s
    not going to happen anytime soon – this “be a man” gig has left me harsh
    & cold: Yet they put up with me somehow…

    This comment went on far too fucking long – later.

  3. Your view point on the subject is interesting, I learned something. You are very good with the written word, maybe this is your calling.

  4. Alex aka @L0ndonBusDriver

    February 9, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Wow is all I can say at the moment, very powerful open ans honest of you to share such a sensitive subject, I wasn’t expecting that but more of a light hearted ” I just like sex so if someone wants to pay to watch me or do me (porn film not prostitution) bring it on ” but as a guy I do sometimes forget that is a another person and not just an object for self gratification,and then you will have emotions just like the rest of us. Porn is just a job like any other. Just that some think they can take advantage of that. I just wish that men and a few women too, that people like you are smart and quite intelligent, yes you may have a story behind your choice of employment but it’s yours to make. It’s very unfortunate that you’re not the online person I know of that had been assaulted on so called private property, like you she could not bring her self too report due to shame and embarrassment. She now an Escort and does very well for her self. However she can’t have a for filling relationship with anyone. We are best friends and even my wife to treats her like a sister. So I do feel you. Anyway your a young beautiful and clever women.

    Also I agree with the comment above. I wish I could open up more too but I’m a man and it’s not the done thing.

    • JayeRose

      February 15, 2016 at 11:50 am

      Am sorry to hear about your friend – unfortunately events affect us in ways that we could never have expected. Thank you for taking the time to read what I had to say and for commenting, means a lot!

  5. Extremely proud of you! Well written!!! Well done Jaye! Looking forward to more!

  6. I think you’re a beautiful young lady with from what I’ve seen on Tumblr and so far in your blog, a fun and witty personality.

    Unfortunately there are always going to be haters, especially with the Internet. However, I hope you never let it get to you. I really appreciate that you were willing to be so open in this blog and I look forward to reading more.

    • JayeRose

      February 15, 2016 at 11:47 am

      I’m probably going to end up being too open but it feels quite good to get everything down on a page. Thank you for taking the time to comment and for reading what I have to say! x

  7. Thank you for writing this. I think a lot of us can identify with those post-assault feelings and how it changes our outlook. As grim as the above email is, I can’t help but giggle at his colourful use of grammar and punctuation. I imagine him to be some spotty 35yr old neckbeard living in his mum’s basement, surviving on a steady diet of Doritos and World of Warcraft.

    Keep writing (u bitch)!!

    Sxxx

    • JayeRose

      February 15, 2016 at 11:45 am

      Fear not my fellow feminist, I have a wealth of ridiculous e-mails and stories to live off until I completely run out and then I shall live vicariously through you! xx

  8. Wow this is very moving to say the least. I’m stunned completely hearing this, I hate knowing that there are people in this world who are capable of such things. This was very honest of you jaye and I thank you for sharing this with us all.

  9. Goodnees me that was a wonderful read on a terrible subject. Roos V was scheduled to appear in my city, much to many people’s horror but the “event” (more like “sideshow”) was cancelled because–and the irony here is wonderful–the men who were going to attend no longer felt safe attending. Ah, sometimes good things do happen in the world. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I have been a fan of your writing since I stumbled upon your tumblr and chuckled my way through pages of elegantly simple retorts to spectacularly idiotic internet morons. I vaguely remember you musing about starting a podcast a while back and was hoping something like this would come about since your sense of humour and ability to turn a phrase really drew me in. I couldn’t be more thrilled! you’re a clever writer and I cannot wait to read more of you.

    • JayeRose

      February 18, 2016 at 10:24 am

      Aw, thank you so much! 🙂 this really made me smile this morning. Yeah, unfortunately the whole Roosh V thing probably just brought him more publicity and viewers to his website but that is just the world we live in really! Am still hoping to do a podcast soon, just trying to get my head around the technical side of things…!

      • #Dailypodcastfund is this a thing….I think it should be. Honestly i would usually reply but, as Lindsey couldn’t of said it better i just have to whole heartedly agree. i feel like i’m speed reading your blog. I’m enjoying your style of writing and content so much. i just want to wish you the best of luck for the continuation of all your endeavors and i hope this is the start of things to come.

  10. John from Germany

    February 22, 2016 at 10:17 am

    Podcast? Oh yes please to the nth degree!!

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