So I wanted my second blog to be a bit more on how it all started for me but this one is going to be a little more topical. I don’t have a conventional job and so I do get to watch some daytime TV. Some, a lot, too much…probably too much but hey ho. Anyway, there was mention on one show of a guy who calls himself “Roosh V” and a call for him to be banned from arranging public meet ups in the UK because he’s pretty much a knob. I don’t know much about the guy other than that he’s a “pick up artist” and gives men advice on how to “bang” woman. The idea of “pick up artists” always makes me “lol” because the only ones I’ve ever seen tend to go on the basis of women in bars being as vain as peacocks and that if you don’t give us the attention we expect to get then we will inevitably end up sleeping with you, regardless of what you look like, to, I dunno, “prove ourselves” or something.
I will admit that when I tweeted the link to the petition to stop him organising, or at least advertising, public meet ups in the UK, all I knew of him is what I’d briefly heard about him on TV. That was that he didn’t think women had a leg to stand on if being sexually assaulted in a private property. I still haven’t done any proper research on the guy because if I do Google him I know he’ll just annoy me and I already spend too much time being annoyed. Everything I know of him I’ve got from second hand sources and he could be the nicest guy in the world – he might always remember to get his mum flowers on Mother’s Day and he might adopt dogs from rescue shelters and be nice to the homeless – but on the internet, he sounds like a dick. Basically, the guy “said rape should be legalised “if done on private property” (Sky News article) and, just taking a stab in the dark here, I’m guessing this guy has probably never been raped.
It struck a chord with me because when I was 17 I was sexually assaulted by two men in a car (barely past introductions and I’m already telling you my life story). In this case I’m assuming a car comes under Mr V’s heading of “private property”. Had I got into the car willingly? Yes. Had I willingly got into a situation where I knew I would probably end up having sex? Yes. Had I known there were going to be two of them? No. I never reported it because I thought nobody would ever believe me. I’d gone willingly, to a point, and I’d gone wearing stockings. And no I don’t ever subscribe to that vile way of thinking that a woman is “asking for it” because of what she wears, but in this scenario I had been dressed for sex. I didn’t think anyone would ever believe that I hadn’t wanted to be involved in what went on.
Do I think it affected how I saw myself and every sexual relationship I ever had after? Yes. Do I think it was the catalyst that made me view sex as something flippant and that I could inevitably make money from? Yes. Did it have a catastrophic effect on my mental health and mean I viewed myself as only good for one thing? You got it. One of the guys did eventually go to prison for something completely unrelated so a part of me still felt that I got some retribution. That was cut short pretty quickly when I ran into him a few years later and he told me how he’d enjoyed magazines I’d appeared in during his time in there. This was followed by a message a few years later as my “career” progressed to tell me that he’d “taught me everything you know”. I won’t waste my time wishing ill on people.
Obviously Roosh V is pretty good with marketing and knew that claims like that would get attention. The thing is, I understand where he was coming from in the sense that of course there is always a grey area in attacks that do occur in hotels or in houses and the like. Women are not idiots – we’re allowed to vote now and everything – and yes we do realise when we are in a certain situation that is leading towards sex. Everyone in the world knows what “Netflix and chill” really means. But we do live in an over sexualised society where being called a “cocktease” is an insult second only to being referred to as a “feminist“. I have been in situations where it’s been easier to say yes than to say no but if a woman does say no, or is crying or asks you to stop or is physically trying to fight you off during the act, then whether you’re in a hotel or in your own private bloody property, heat of the moment or whatever your excuse is, what you’re doing is wrong and is going to have serious repercussions for that girl forever.
I’m sure Roosh V will cite cases of women “crying rape” and yes, there are sickos out there who have done that and some who’ve been jailed for it and rightfully bloody so. I can’t remember what the actual statistic is but the majority of rape cases don’t go to court and I’d imagine most of them are from lack of evidence. I’d take a guess that a percentage of those reported did happen at “private properties” and so ultimately its always one person’s word against another. I don’t really want to get too dragged into the rape debate or the influence of alcohol debate but I feel that the comments that Roosh V has made and the influence that that has on people who read it just puts undue pressure on women to feel like they have to go through with things because they came this far, or for some men to think that once they’ve got her home, she’s fair game no matter what she says or if she changes her mind.
That all got pretty serious pretty fast and I know you were probably expecting another post about wankers in women’s underwear but I just felt like I needed to write this down. I hope my opinions haven’t offended anyone because that wasn’t my intention. Like I said, there are so many grey areas. Inevitably Roosh V has just gained himself more attention and has probably had a ton of views on his webpage now from all this palaver and will probably even make some money off the back of it. I will also probably receive some level of backlash – “stick to sucking dick you fat slag” – and other imaginative insults, such as the one in the e-mail screenshot that accompanies this blog post. Sometimes the internet makes me feel really sad.