The “D” Word: Dating & Why I Will Die Alone

I always thought that if I was a Disney Princess I would, naturally, be Ariel but the older I’m getting the more I realise I have in common with Pocahontas. Not only do we both have pet racoons but, just like my Native American counterpart, I am always waiting to see what’s “just around the riverbend” when it comes to men. I’m not really one for boyfriends and I’m not on a hunt for a husband – I’ve still got way too much I want to do before I have to start considering someone else’s feelings – which is probably a good thing as dating when you’re in or have been in the adult/sex industry is HARD.

I know people who’ve worked in the industry for years and hold down strong, committed relationships but I just never, ever find men who are serious and I have met a lot of men. A LOT. I’ve given up on finding my Ryan Gosling – “NOW SAY YOU’RE A BIRD TOO” – but I do always like to have at least one man on the go at any given time and to keep my hand in on the dating apps.

I won’t hear a bad word said about Tinder after it matched me with a member of one of my favourite boy groups from my teenage years. I won’t name the group but my mother did advise me to remind him of the time that they were due to turn on the Christmas lights and they never turned up and I was hysterical with grief but I decided that that was a bit much for a first date, even for me.

I always find that to most men I’m a novelty or better yet, a “stop gap”, an experience they could tell their friends about whilst telling me that they “weren’t looking for anything serious” before leaving me for someone serious. They assume that I’m going to be excellent in bed, which is correct, but can’t ever see past the fact that what I put out there isn’t all I am.

feet-1434701_1280

Some people would say “don’t tell them what you do for a living” but I am many things and a liar is not one of them. Besides, the adult industry is a legitimate way to make money. To lie about it and then get found out later just makes it seem seedy and like I’m suggesting that there is something wrong with it and I don’t think that at all. How awkward would it be to tell someone you’re an optician or something and then three dates in have to tell them “I was actually lying! I show people my fanny online! I LOVE YOU DON’T LEAVE ME”. Pointless.

I was always upfront and honest with the men I met and found that this always divided them into two types. The first half would be falling over themselves to tell me how they would NEVER EVER watch any of my movies. “I wouldn’t even want to Google you! Even if someone came in now and held a gun to my head and demanded I google “Jade Rose” I wouldn’t even do it! I’d literally let him shoot me on the spot! See, I said “Jade” – I don’t even know what your stage name is! That’s how much I don’t care because I’m NOT LIKE OTHER MEN.”

The other half would go completely the other way and would almost always respond with “I’ve always wanted to get into porn”. No way! This is such an unusual thing for a man to say to me! Please, let’s spend the rest of our date with you telling me how many other women you want to stick your dick in because truly I think you may be the one I end up marrying.

Here is a perfect example from a date I went on while I was still in the webcam business:

“So what is it you do? You were a bit vague when we first met”.

“I work in the adult industry. I sometimes make adult movies but mainly I’m a webcam performer”.

There’s a pause while he digests this. I take a sip of my wine.

alcohol-party-glass-table

“I love going down on a woman for hours at a time”, he tells me, finally.

I take a large swig of my wine. “Great”.

“I’ve also got a really long tongue”, he says, flopping it out of his mouth and making lizard like movements with the end of it.

“Great”, I say again, downing what’s left in my glass.

emptywineglass

Later, after he attempted to buy a bottle of champagne in a Weatherspoons, I made my excuses to leave. As Fate would have it he lived one stop from me on the Piccadilly line so him and his massive tongue may as well come with me. Great, I say for the 50th time that night. At Kings Cross, only two stops into our journey he asks when we’ll be seeing each other again and I politely tell him it might not work out. There’s a pause as he digests this. “I wish you’d waited to ask me this at Finsbury Park”, I try. He doesn’t find that funny and I, thankfully, never see that long tongue again.

I rarely if ever go out with anyone now I’m back in my hometown because everyone knows everyone and I’ve already been through all the semi decent men down here. Joking. A bit. I did actually meet a guy here recently who, based on the innocent coincidence of us knowing some of the same people from London, assumed that I too was really into swinging and, with great relief, told me how good it was to find someone as “open minded” as me. Oh for fucks sake.

Basically, I have come to the conclusion that love is just not on the cards for me and I am going to end up being one of those women who marries a guy on Death Row and will live out the rest of my days chainsmoking whilst penning long, erotic letters and practising how to spell “exoneration”.

P.S. I was joking about the racoon. Animals freak me the fuck out.

47 Comments

  1. Your blogs do make me chuckle keep up the good work…lol

  2. Brilliant post. I’m sorry that so far men have pretty much lived up to your expectations.

    I’m in a similar situation as my work so far has been, to a muh lesser extent then yours, something of an awkward one for me to work a lasting relationship around.

    You just keep being the awesome you that you are. I’ve come to the conclusion at 34 that that shit lands when it wants to.
    Thanks for sharing. It was a laugh to read.

    • JayeRose

      November 14, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      Am glad to hear you enjoyed my post and sorry to hear that things aren’t great for you on the love front either – onwards and upwards, aye!

  3. Hey Jaye!
    I find your insights truly fascinating. Im sorry though that your love life hasn’t been successfull, i hope one day you will meet a someone who can look beyond your past and see you for you

  4. When it comes to dating someone and the possible relationship side of things you got to go by degrees of fucked-up-ness. This does not just mean sex and the odd case where you ended up as some part of cult or something – how we laughed. From my experience it has been default at times to be understood coming from a working class house hold talking to your “other half” who is from a middle to upper middle class one – things get lost in translation and it can make for a lot of frustration……Gets worse being mixed race talking about situations that someone being just white or just black won’t get…..

    Anyway you are not on your own, I don’t think, when it comes to being open and honest with someone to then only get a mixed reaction. For me it is when we start sharing things we got up to in the past. The women for me fall somewhere between being completed embarrassed or shocked (I’ve been around a bit i.e. sex/swingers parties . Sometimes they seem amused, as if I was pranking them. I haven’t got time to be caring enough to prank you frankly.

    Maybe the fate for people who follow the ‘social norm’ is to be like those at the end of episode one of that new black mirror series, ha.

  5. The last two paragraphs killed me 👌.

  6. There is also the guys that would say, okay and keep talking to you as a human being, not an object. But there ain’t many of us around.

  7. Some people just are idiots. Why on earth in that situation suddenly would they think you’re just going to drop your drawers and talk filth all night? So dumb.

    Did a bit of internet dating on shall we say a more ‘specialist’ site. Reason I did that? Wasn’t really for a relationship, I wanted to have fun. When I was ready for serious time I stopped that nonsense and found the lady is now my wife. Any bloke that turns up on first date ready to ‘seal the deal’ should be shot!

    I remember meeting a young lady in central London bar just by chance, I was attached at the time and I don’t know why but this young lady started to chatting to me. She worked in the adult industry, she did dom work and the occasional night at one of the top flight strip clubs. She was nothing sort of stunning to look at and very pleasant to talk to you. But when I wasn’t shocked about her line of work or didn’t suddenly want to talk about sex she was genuinely surprised. She said most guys would either turn to a drooling simp or would expect her to meet them in the toilets for sex! I replied something along the lines of “well it’s just your job isn’t it?” I was with a big group of friends so I said cheerio and left her at the bar. The poor girl was left not knowing what to think of me… I only wished that I was single at the time!!!

    Don’t fret Jaye. It will ‘happen’ when you least expect it.

    • JayeRose

      November 14, 2016 at 4:41 pm

      Hahah, I think I was the queen of internet dating at one point – there are still multiple fake profiles of me online and I sometimes get messages on social media who are adamant they’ve spoken to me or sent me money elsewhere from these sites but people are morons so that is their own fault!

      Thank you for reading and for taking the time to message me – means a lot! 🙂

  8. John from Germany

    November 12, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    I seriously have a hard time believing that beautiful, intelligent, sexy and witty women have a hard time finding a partner. I mean how much better can it get when somebody has both the looks and the brains? Also, I’m probably a weirdo for both loving porn and being interested in the personalities behind the on-screen personas (personæ?) but I bet you’d have a free choice among you blog readers alone XD Furthermore, it may be a bit of a stretch but I don’t see that big a difference between having had a lot of boyfriends and having been in the porn business, after all it’s the present and the future that matters for a relationship in my opinion. And it doesn’t really make a difference if you – as a guy – think too much about whether a “regular” ex might have been better in bed or if one can compete with an actual male talent the female of interest has worked with. Everybody has a past that a possible partner has to accept and to live with if the thing is to work out.

    We followers of your blog adventure only (!) get to know so much about your personal life, so it’s not really up to us to judge whether you are or are not “difficult” (ugh) to be in a relationship with. I for my part refuse to believe there are no men left in your country who can both accept your specific CV and the general challenge of living a monogamous relationship with a gorgeous woman XD

    I’d like to finish with the remark that you true gift may indeed be writing. I have never had so much fun with reading a blog as I do with yours.

  9. I once overheard models talking during an advertising photoshoot about how they couldn’t keep a boy friend. I don’t have an easy answer for you except to say that you may be looking in the wrong places for a longer term partner. Being gloriously beautiful and having a body of a goddess can be a problem. You need to look toward very rich, intelligent men who are shy and sweet. They haven’t had lots of sex partners, because they are too busy in school and making money and too introverted. They might not be macho guys, but they smart enough to be taught good sex technique and they are usually extremely loyal.

  10. Hello Jaye, long time fan/reader

    I’ve been mulling over contacting/commenting on your photos or work for awhile….

    Yet….I’ve been more of a fan of your blogging more so that I stopped looking at you as an object and more as a human being, with thought’s and feeling’s and a way of life different from my own.

    I admit it took me a long time to get to this level to actually sit there thinking of having a go with myself but then look at the people doing these acts and wondering about them on another level.

    Call me odd, but I’ve had a very odd 2016.

    My now ex wife decided it would be fun to screw a coworker on our couch whilst I was home, I thought he wasn’t a threat because he said he was “gay” but that was a lie…coupled with a long messy divorce with a woman who enjoyed playing emotional chess, and eventually losing to me because I had to resolve myself to seeing her as not the woman I’d spend the rest of my life with, but as Lord fucking Voldemort that needed to be defeated at any cost.

    Where do you fall into this? I ran into your blog whilst looking for a “pick me up” in the middle of this surreal shit show and instead of having another sad depressing “woe is me” wank, I actually had a great evening with earl grey tea and a great read. Don’t get me wrong, that VintageFlash pinup girl set you did was amazing, but I was interested to read what the woman had to say.

    For the record I am a HUGE fan of your twitter less so for the free shots, more so for the comments you get…that you utterly destroy.

    I recently got off anti-depressants as well, that’s rough to go cold turkey…but like you I’m managing (plus I need to get things done in school.)

    I don’t know you, I wont pretend to know you, I wont try to and reach out and get to know you, because I gather you don’t need/want another dude a crossed a fiber optic wire trying to get to know “the real you.” I think you’re a wonderful woman, and I honestly would try and date you if I was still living in England, even knowing your past…because well I saw Julia Fullerton-Batten’s “webcam girl” and that was the first time I’d seen this girl I lusted for, being a real person to me, and even thought you were mostly naked I actually listened to what you had to say over looking at your body.

    I’m 27 and I don’t have any kids, I’m about 170 pounds been divorced for about two months (separated for 6), I have two miniature dachshunds and I can cook something other than Mac and Cheese. I also believe in dressing to impress, and if the woman I’m out with is an ex porn star/current webcam model…I wouldn’t instantly “go for the gold” and throw a perv comment out. Granted I’d throw some form of star wars quip, or something equally as nerdy because after a failed marriage, a few relationships, and a lot of sex partners…I’m kinda just “meh it’s sex…who cares…say do you like to read?”

    The tongue man makes my eyes rain…..seriously man….

    Why did I say that, no I’m not a craigslist serial killer, but I said that to point out that I am most likely going to die alone as well. I don’t think your dating woes are due to your profession, or x/y/z I think it’s mostly along the lines of our generation being completely and utterly shallow, or lacking any form of structure. I’m a fan of guy likes girl, girl likes guy, guy goes out of his way to impress said girl and say through actions “I’m not in this for a toy.”

    My grandparents were married for 65 years, raised 8 kids, and were solid. My ex wife had a similar pair of grandparents….where the fuck did our generation go wrong?

    I tried that whole “dating thing” and after being “liked” and “matched” all I got was ghosted after the first hello…and it made me realize that spending money on tea and dachshund sweaters was far more lucrative than spending dough on someone who doesn’t appreciate it.

    I’m glad I got to see “webcam girl” because I honestly think I needed to see it.

    Maybe one day you will find that guy, I hope you do.

    • JayeRose

      November 14, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      Thank you so much for your message, it means a lot.

      Am sorry to hear that things have been pretty shitty and messed up for you and happy that I was able to at least give you a bit of a chuckle along the way! Maybe the right man is out there for me but if he isn’t that’s okay too – I’m very independent and I’ve got a lot of my own things going on.

      Although, just a heads up, if you did throw a Star Wars quip my way it would all go completely over my head…sorry!

  11. You seem to be a really ‘down to earth’ young lady. I enjoyed the blog. Thanks.

  12. Genius … You have a talent for writing and a true gift at putting a quirky angle on some uncomfortable truths !
    For all the openness there is a great book in there ….
    Don’t be too closed to the prospect of love though – from experience you will find it when and where you least expect it !

  13. Yep; always funny! That said; as many moons ago I accidentally found out roughly where you’re now back living – I’ve got a mate lives just round the corner. He wouldn’t behave like any of those other men, he’s a great guy, called Bill. Oh. Hang on. Nope, he’s ginger too, that won’t work, it’s crossing the streams and opening the gates to hell! Shame…

  14. You are an amazing girl

  15. HOW HAVE I NOT BEEN ON YOUR BLOG BEFORE?! I’m gonna binge read everything tonight hahah.

    Loved this! So so interesting. That last guy sounded like an absolute douche, eww. You’re completely going about everything in the right way in my opinion. Always better to be honest!

    Erin x

    http://www.beautycreep.com

  16. Jaye, hi there. Love the blog and laugh a lot. But I have a couple questions if I may, and no it’s not about having sex or marrying me.
    You must have done a decent amount of traveling in the adult industry, and have you found that men in different countries react differently or are we all the same all over the world? ( that’s a sad thought isn’t it…)

    Out of how many times that you get asked out on a date, do you actually accept ? I mean you know that some guys who ask know who you are, do you just get a sense of who is creepy and who is sincere? So would you say you go out with 1 out of 10 guys who seriously ask? More? Less?
    And seeing as I truly think you will have a unique view point on this I am interested in knowing if you think men and women can be only friends? I mean are you able to trust that a man is truly interested in you, and. never thinks about more with you?
    And lastly I have to ask, why does the U.K. seem against “gingers”? Is it a jealousy thing that they are not o e of the chosen few? As far as I am concerned men and women date blondes, marry brunettes, but dream of redheads…
    Take care and would love the answers
    If you have time.

    • JayeRose

      November 28, 2016 at 9:49 am

      No I don’t think men have varied all that much around the world, especially if there is a language barrier as you can’t fully explain yourself – they just get the fundamentals.

      I pretty much always go out with someone who asks – so long as they are fit, hahaha. I’m a big believer in needing to know; I don’t deal well with “what ifs” and always need closure so like to see every opportunity through. Definitely think men and women can just be friends – a large portion of my friends are men and I’ve never had any relations with them other than friendship or, if we have, have still managed to be friends too.

      As for the “ginger” thing, I have no idea. I’m not ginger; the box that my hair colour comes out of assures me that I’m “Really Red”.

  17. Firts of all my precious and intelligent young lady I wanna congratutale you once again for your exquisite and well articulate literature …. Secondly as you well tell us that too much you want to do before you have to start considering someone else’s feelings which is a logic thought to comprehend for sure…. Also never stop being the honest and upfront person you are because of the right person for you will love you just as you are…not masks not lies…. worthy of you… take your time my friend because of at some point, at some place in the vast time someone special will wake up , will arise those special feelings inside your heart and mind so love is on cards for you too and you have to end up with a family of 2 kids at least … Go ahead Jaye… By the way very interesting your latest tweets …
    Alberto

  18. Kudos on another blog that is both entertaining and (somewhat depressingly) insightful, and on behalf of those men you’very encountered (including a few not so subtle replies on here treating this as an opportunity to state their case…or loins!! 😩) I can only apologise! Finding your partner in crime really is life’s unicorn and at 37 and despite meeting plenty of girls/women who i’m still on good terms with am still looking. Whilst feel your struggles in terms of getting around your work situation, ultimately it is people’s willingness to commit, be unselfish (ie put someone else first!), look at someone beyond sex and have a level of maturity that seems the real issue for most. Good luck with your Tindering, I definitely may have to extend out my search radius! Haha

  19. Hi Jaye,

    I’d just like to add my compliments to all the others here regarding how much I enjoy your musings and what an intelligent and entertaining writer you are! Your latest thoughts on dating and relationships are enlightening and thought provoking, although I have long since left that game! I often wonder how I’d get on in this era of internet dating and social media – it certainly seems a lot more straightforward than days of having to chat someone up in a pub or night club, or ask out someone at work, with the attendant possibility of rejection and the embarrassment that might entail! Even if the date was successful, there would be the conundrum of “how long shall I leave it before I call…?” etc. I don’t miss the process itself, but I do miss how every Saturday night out held possibilities!

    I have, actually, had the pleasure of working with you when you were engaged in your previous profession. I was a “Tog” – purely hobbyist, but I’d like to think I produced work of a pretty decent standard. You answered a casting call that I put out when we were both on “Purestorm” and I spent an extremely pleasant couple of hours in your company at your flat in South London while we produced what I thought were some pretty good images – I used some of them for my PS profile. Reading your earlier posts on here regarding your time in adult work, I was sorry to read that you were often less than happy doing the work, Certainly you were the model (pun intended…) of good humour during our session. I came away with the impression of a bright, witty young woman with an admirable strength of character. I also came away with some good images and a desire to visit Rio’s in Kentish Town! (Never did, though.)

    I’ve had to put the cameras away for now – two young sons and a mortgage tend to convert the “disposable income” into “not very disposable at all income” – not that I would want it any other way – but hopefully one day when they’ve flown the nest (probably in their mid-forties the way rents and mortgages are going now…!) I might have another bash. But it was fun while it lasted!

    Started to ramble now, so I’ll take my leave of you, but will drop in from time to time when I fancy a good, funny, (possibly) bawdy, but always intelligent read!

    Cheers!

    • JayeRose

      December 7, 2016 at 10:01 am

      Aw, thank you so much! I did enjoy aspects of the modeling especially meeting new people and just having a good old chinwag – probably did a hell of a lot more talking than I did actual shooting hahaha!

      Thank you for reading, am so glad I can elicit a smile out of people as they chuckle at the debacle I call my life!

  20. Edit to my previous post – just read YOUR previous post about (partially) getting back into modelling…that will teach me to read these things in order! Anyway, good to see (obviously) but even better to hear that you are enjoying it more now that there is less pressure. Love the interview too, again, insightful and honest! Nice one, Jaye!

    Cheers,

  21. …life could be worse.

  22. Have you ever thought about writing for television or doing stand up? How to Almost Be a Pornstar has Netflix all over it. It’s like Girls meets Sex in the City meets Boogie Nights.

  23. jaye only reads the short comments 😉
    dont worry be happy beautiful lady.

    try real life instead of internet 😛 dont push it

    everything comes when its the right time.

    peace

  24. Loving your blogs & eagerly awaiting your next episode. I am one of the many who have Googled you (and thoroughly enjoyed it).
    Keep your chin up!!!

  25. Hey, i’m from Brazil, i came here by Reddit on a post about your blog and how its a good way to men understand women and how much we act like machists pricks.

    I really love your blog, it helped me to see some things i make with my girlfriend during sex and during our normal lifes that even If she didnt realize, – because she was with guys that never treat her more than a object during sex, ending up in she never having cumming from her 14 years to her 25 – is making her think First in her partner desire. I Hope that o can be a better man to her, a better human actually.
    You are life inspiring keep posting, every Read is a New insight!

    • JayeRose

      January 8, 2017 at 5:58 pm

      Oh thank you so much! 🙂 am so glad you are able to make your girlfriend happy and thank you so much for your kind words xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

This site contains content of a Mature Theme - You must be 18+ to enter

Please verify your age